Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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