cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize