um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Green mimosas i think yes
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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