Dual....:-)
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
