apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
