I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
How external is "for external use only"?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
