i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
