9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
