you guys were way drunker than both of me
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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