Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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