At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My vagina is very pro this idea
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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