I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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