I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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