I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize