She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
are you so shy because you have an std?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Randomize
