You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
