May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
