All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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