Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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