goodnight i made you a song goodbye
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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