Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
