some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
