I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
wow bdsm is so cute
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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