We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
