We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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