Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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