Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
