Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
