I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
sex in a hospital.. check
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
