I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
