The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
