There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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