this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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