If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
