just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
