ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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