Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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