I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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