So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
