you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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