We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
