i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
