i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Randomize
