He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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