i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
