i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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