I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
