I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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