So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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