Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
