Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
