Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
