I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
