cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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