you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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