you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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