Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize