someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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