I'm jealous of your bromance
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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