When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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