why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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