I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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