i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
